Sick father-in-law and dilemma

My father-in-law is in hospital. Dan contacted his middle sister to ask if the old man is fit enough to travel tomorrow and she told him that he has been admitted to Southampton General with breathing problems. The hospital will run many tests; it seems his chest is "crackling". That sounds like pneumonia to me.  I shall suggest that we visit him on Monday afternoon.

I know how desperately he misses Elizabeth, his second wife and my daughter's much-loved step-grandma. They were married for twenty years and together for twenty-one. She gave him happiness and companionship and those things are so important. It was because of that marriage that Dan developed a good relationship with his father.

I have chosen the above picture because my father-in-law's name is Patrick, he is Irish and a cradle Catholic. Elizabeth was a pillar of the Church of England. I think that at one time she considered converting to Catholicism but that did not happen. My late mother-in-law was a convert. Elizabeth was one of the best people I have ever known and a sincere Christian. My mother-in-law was punctilious in the observance of her religion but made me think of Martin Luther attaining heaven by sheer monkery. By the end of her life I had given up on that relationship.

My dilemma is that I do not know what to do about my son. He railed at me in a vicious, spiteful letter that I could have let him know that Elizabeth had died and that his grandfather was ill. My last communication (and I told him it would be the last ever) pointed out that he had not let us know his new email address and had told me to stay out of his life. He had sent nasty messages on Facebook about his sister's death and funeral. I had let him know about her death in a roundabout way. He had never bothered with her; he has never bothered with his grandfather, although I asked him several times to come to Sunday lunch and see his grandfather and Elizabeth. Has he the right to know if his grandfather dies? Would he want to come to his funeral? If he did come, would he make an unpleasant scene? I simply do not know what to do. I suppose that if Paddy asks for Neil, we must contact him somehow and arrange to take him to the hospital. I wonder if his father will agree to this.

We visited the nursing home this afternoon and I gave Sandra, the head of activities, a bottle of wine that we had brought back from France. She is so good and takes pains with the old man. He ate a lot of chocolate buttons, white and milk. He has decided that he does not like doughnuts and refused the chocolate-iced one that I had got for him. He had had a cup of tea and cake before we arrived. Neil used to visit him, sometimes with me and sometimes alone. What became of my good, gentle sensitive son?